No Strength without a Struggle

I feel I owe it to myself to write this down.

Although I will never disclose the information here, I want to remember this weekend for what it was. I want to look back on this day years from now, realizing that I actually powered through and survived.

This week, I learned what it truly meant to be strong. I learned to be strong FOR MYSELF. FOR ONCE.

I learned to take control, to cry without holding back, to be still, to be quiet, to let go, to be angry, to succumb to the sadness, to feel what it was I needed to feel, to accept things and to remain grateful despite everything.

Yes, I have been given this cross. Yet another cross. But I will carry it with grace.

Dear God,

I am on my knees.

I am exhausted.

I am empty.

I pray for healing, for health, for strength,

For wisdom and the grace to accept your will.

There is a blueprint

There is a purpose.

Help me to believe.

Help me to understand.

Help me to endure.