DISCLAIMER: This is going to be one hell of a mushy blog entry. Since I’ve become quite notorious for being “Miss Mapride”, let this blog entry serve as proof that I do have a heart. And that I, too, am capable of publicly displaying my affection. Ha-ha.
All too often, people are asked, “How do you know you love someone?”
And as an attempt to explain or make sense of what the stupid L word means or represents,
people fumble and respond with the stereotypically overused, “You just know.”
I used to roll my eyes and scoff at it, thinking myself to be above the rest and much more knowledgable at “the game” when in fact, I had no clue. I had no idea what it could bring and what I would get myself into. After almost 4 years of “dating” the same person and 3 of being with him, I can now conclude that I am part of the hoi poloi. I too fumble. I too, grow speechless when asked.
I too, “just know”.
To this day, it amazes me how a simple meeting at a candy store made all the difference. Little did I know that I’d end up with the guy I found a bit “too white” for my taste. Who would have thought that even after all the horrible signals I sent (i.e. Ditching our first date to watch a Lea Salonga concert, throwing up on him on the first month of dating, flipping him in my drunken stupor, or him seeing me kiss somebody else onstage just a few months into it), he still found me ironically charming…and chose to see what else I had in my pocket full of scares and surprises.
Before I bore everybody with the story of us, I’ll let the pictures do the talking and talk to James instead. Hahaha!
It’s stupid that I don’t know how to start this or what it is I’m supposed to say :)) But, to hell with my pride and worrying about whatever it is people will think. You’ve taught me not to care about what the rest of the world thinks or says anyway. And today, I don’t really want to care. So, I’ll just go ahead and speak from the heart.
3 years, babe! That’s something and nothing at the same time. It’s a feat that we’ve made it this far. And a challenge for us to continue making this work. It amazes me that you still have the patience and the willingness to be with someone as bratty and “monstrous” as me. Despite all the things I’ve put you through—me being mapride, pilya (according to the manghuhula, “Loyal yung boyfriend mo. Ikaw…medyo pilya ka ba?” Whut?? Ha-ha.), me being the most stubborn girl you can find, you’re still here with me. You still choose to be with me.
Aside from being extremely happy about this day, there’s a part of me that’s scared—scared because we’ve made it this far and I’m paranoid about us not getting to where we want this to go. Despite being scared, I don’t want to regret not saying these things to you. I don’t want to hold back just because I fear the consequences or what the future may bring. We’ll never really be sure of our future anyway so all I can do is pray that the future is what we hope and want it to be.
I know we’ve both been crazy-busy— you (with the Bar in less than a month) and me (with work and theater) but I didn’t want to let this day pass without making you feel the way you’ve made me feel the past 36 months—special.
So today, here’s a semi-public declaration of love (semi because not everyone really knows my blog. Let alone, reads it. Ha-ha) Today, I just want you (and the rest of my perceived “world”) to know how much I love you. Today is a reminder for me to become a better person for you, a reminder of the commitment I made 3 years ago, a reminder of how LUCKY I am to have you in my life. Today is a day for me to pause, step back a little and thank God for you and me, and year no. 3.
Look at the pictures, babe. We’ve come a long way, haven’t we? You and I have grown, in various ways and (weight? Ha-ha.) I look forward to the next few seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months and years ahead, with your hand in mine, and either of us squeezing it thrice.